Well folks, good news! I got my results back, and I do NOT have cancer :) Yeah, its pretty awesome to hear those words. I really didn't realize how much it was weighing on me until it was suddenly gone. I feel a million pounds lighter. Its really an amazing feeling.
Its funny, when I would tell people about my health problems they would always say, "Oh that's so horrible. I'm so sorry." I hated (and still hate) those pitty awkward moments. Look, I'd much rather you say "Hm, that's to bad. Want to go get a taco?" And we both just move on with life. But I digress. My favorite response to that pitty line is, "Meh, at least I don't have cancer." So having cancer really dampened my parade in a lot more ways than one.
So anyway. I don't know if I have talked about my bestie on this adorable little blog yet or not, but about a year and a half ago I walked into Lens Crafter wearing a t shirt with L on it, and this ridiculously adorable sales girl hopped over to help us. At first I was like "this bouncy little fan girl is going to bug me".... But she didn't she was fun and down to earth and friendly. I walked away after making an appointment to see the doctor, thinking "that girl was friendly, maybe I'll see her when we come back for the appointment. Well she was there when we came back, and luckily my husband is more friendly than me and we ended up finding her on facebook and slowly but surely we became great friends. Now I couldn't imagine my life without her. She is one of the greatest people I know. Bold and sweet, and fiercely loyal. I am so glad to have found my bestie.
Also, I have a new doll. I have another thing to scratch off my bucket list because he is an sd sized doll. I absolutely adore him. I have no idea what to name him though. I think I will wait until he gets a new face to name him. And post pics. He is so sweet and I'm really excited to share him. Its really nice to have such a small doll family. I can focus more on the few I have. Gives me more time for each of them and everything. Its nice.
Well I think that is all I have for now. So remember kids, cancer dampens a lot of spirits and tacos fix anything. Toodles.
Friday, November 23, 2012
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
So new stuff...
I might as well start with all the stupid crap, then get to the fun stuff.
Well the big one is I may have cancer. On top of all the blood disease crap, I may have cancer. Its just such a big "screw you" from the universe. Its exhausting. I'm so tired of illnesses and hospitals and doctors. Like the Taking Back Sunday song "So sick, so sick of being tired; And oh so tired of being sick..." That really describes my feelings on everything right now.
Though I'm also fairly numbed out. I really just don't feel much. Except tired. Life has just worn me out, I feel like I'm just a ghost in all of it. A somehow needed extra in everyone else's lives. Just empty. I want to draw and paint and sing, but I feel like I just don't have it in me anymore. Like everything that is me has been some how shelved. A pause button on my personality.
Maybe I'm just protecting myself mentally, cause I know when I do start thinking about all this crap I just want to sit down and cry for days. Which would work if I honestly to my core didn't hate crying. I don't like the way it feels, I don't like how I feel after, I just don't like it. I do find I'm grinding my teeth all the time again. I must be stressed, just somewhere deep in me.
I've lost all motivation. I pull out sewing stuff, then just look sadly at my dolls. They just sit there in ugly outfits because I have no motivation to give them. I used to keep them in a cupboard but after they'd sat in there for days it seemed cruel. So now they sit on some shelves so they are at least out in the world. Even if I just look at them.
I've been scared. Not that I'll die. That's not how I'll go. But that all this extra is going to take the rest of if out of me. That all that's going to be left is sadness and fear. No more spark. No more silly sayings. No more love of art and beauty. No more excitement of those odd things that get in my head and make me obsessive.
It makes me feel frantic to get all the art out of me that I can, which makes it all the more frustrating that my muse has run dry.
But I don't want to talk about it anymore.
I have a new doll. He is a dragon. I love him dearly. His name is Nit :) This is him:
Yeah, I love that baby to little itty bits and pieces :D She is the best baby ever
I am happy that it has really started to smell like autumn. That scent of fire and death that is so appealing to my nose :) I love this time of year. I love the color I love the smell, I love the holidays... I even love wearing jacket :D Its so nice
Lets see.... I think that's really all that's been up with me as of late. So until next time, toodles.
Well the big one is I may have cancer. On top of all the blood disease crap, I may have cancer. Its just such a big "screw you" from the universe. Its exhausting. I'm so tired of illnesses and hospitals and doctors. Like the Taking Back Sunday song "So sick, so sick of being tired; And oh so tired of being sick..." That really describes my feelings on everything right now.
Though I'm also fairly numbed out. I really just don't feel much. Except tired. Life has just worn me out, I feel like I'm just a ghost in all of it. A somehow needed extra in everyone else's lives. Just empty. I want to draw and paint and sing, but I feel like I just don't have it in me anymore. Like everything that is me has been some how shelved. A pause button on my personality.
Maybe I'm just protecting myself mentally, cause I know when I do start thinking about all this crap I just want to sit down and cry for days. Which would work if I honestly to my core didn't hate crying. I don't like the way it feels, I don't like how I feel after, I just don't like it. I do find I'm grinding my teeth all the time again. I must be stressed, just somewhere deep in me.
I've lost all motivation. I pull out sewing stuff, then just look sadly at my dolls. They just sit there in ugly outfits because I have no motivation to give them. I used to keep them in a cupboard but after they'd sat in there for days it seemed cruel. So now they sit on some shelves so they are at least out in the world. Even if I just look at them.
I've been scared. Not that I'll die. That's not how I'll go. But that all this extra is going to take the rest of if out of me. That all that's going to be left is sadness and fear. No more spark. No more silly sayings. No more love of art and beauty. No more excitement of those odd things that get in my head and make me obsessive.
It makes me feel frantic to get all the art out of me that I can, which makes it all the more frustrating that my muse has run dry.
But I don't want to talk about it anymore.
I have a new doll. He is a dragon. I love him dearly. His name is Nit :) This is him:
The Converse shoe box is actually his bed. He fits in it perfectly, which make me love him that much more. When I first saw them on a website I wanted one, and he has a special place in my heart. I love him completely. :)
My little niece Addyson has been growing up so fast! She walks and talks... Its just crazy fun to watch her do new things. Here is some pics of her :D
I am happy that it has really started to smell like autumn. That scent of fire and death that is so appealing to my nose :) I love this time of year. I love the color I love the smell, I love the holidays... I even love wearing jacket :D Its so nice
Lets see.... I think that's really all that's been up with me as of late. So until next time, toodles.
Friday, July 13, 2012
Blog writing slacker
I've really been meaning to update more than this, but I'm a slacker. That's just how I roll. So what has been up with me in the last year? My illness seems to be maintaining, I have a house, 2 of my puppies passed away, I got 2 new puppies, I sold all but 1 of my dolls, I got a couple new dolls, and most important of all I became an aunt..... I think that pretty much covers it....
So I am on a really low dose of medicine and I have been for awhile and things seem to be maintaining for the most part. So my CBCs and my doctor appointments are spaced out alot more now, and all of that seems to be ok for now. So that's good.
I have a house : D I love it! It has 3 bedrooms, and 2 bathrooms. I totally love it! I'm going to paint it and hang pictures and everything. I love that I have a house that's mine and that I can do anything with. Its so awesome :)
Last August Lola and Simon got into some bad food and died. It was a terrible and tragic weekend. A week or so later everyone (even Little Bud) was still really depressed. Our little family felt so empty and sad. So my mom took me to the pound to look at puppies. I found one that I really liked so me and Mikey decided to take Little Bud up there to see if they would get along. Well the other puppy kinda freaked out on Little Bud, so we were thinking about going back inside and looking at others when the fellow that brought the dogs out said that they had a really sweet little girl that needed a good home. She hadn't been there the day before because she was getting fixed, so I hadn't seen her.
He brings out this bitty little brown puppy. Her and Little Bud seemed to get along, so we took her home. We named her Pika (like Pikachu) and she has been one of the sweetest most wonderful dogs we ever had. As much as I love her to pieces our family still felt empty.
A few months later my mom told us about a guy at her work that's dog had puppies, and was giving them away for free. So we went over there to look at puppies. We looked at a couple different ones and were thinking about taking home this little black and white one, when I started looking at the two long haired ones. One was black, but it was a boy, and we wanted to get another girl, so I picked up the dark brown one and handed her to Mikey. We both fell in love with the little stinker and took her home. We named her Pixel and she has been a wonderful little pain :) After always having dogs, its has been fun to watch this little puppy grow up.
So after I got Alice I did not feel all that connected to the rest of my dolls. So I sold all of them but her. I actually traded Anarchy for another doll I named Jack. I also changed Alice's name, because it never really seemed to totally fit her. I've renamed her Embry Alice Poe (a play on Edgar Allan Poe's name) I am also getting a little dragon doll tomorrow. I am SO EXCITED!!!! He is so cute. I am thinking of calling him Seneca, but the closer I get to owning him, the more I'm wondering.
So my sister had a beautiful little baby on my wedding anniversary. I am the proudest auntie to the most beautiful, amazing, and freaky smart kid that there ever was :D It has been so funny to watch her grow up and figure things out. I love her to little bitty bits and pieces.
Yep.... So that's the nub and just of what has been going on with me in this last year. I'll be uploading pics tomorrow, since it is late tonight. So....yeah..... Toodles
So I am on a really low dose of medicine and I have been for awhile and things seem to be maintaining for the most part. So my CBCs and my doctor appointments are spaced out alot more now, and all of that seems to be ok for now. So that's good.
I have a house : D I love it! It has 3 bedrooms, and 2 bathrooms. I totally love it! I'm going to paint it and hang pictures and everything. I love that I have a house that's mine and that I can do anything with. Its so awesome :)
Last August Lola and Simon got into some bad food and died. It was a terrible and tragic weekend. A week or so later everyone (even Little Bud) was still really depressed. Our little family felt so empty and sad. So my mom took me to the pound to look at puppies. I found one that I really liked so me and Mikey decided to take Little Bud up there to see if they would get along. Well the other puppy kinda freaked out on Little Bud, so we were thinking about going back inside and looking at others when the fellow that brought the dogs out said that they had a really sweet little girl that needed a good home. She hadn't been there the day before because she was getting fixed, so I hadn't seen her.
He brings out this bitty little brown puppy. Her and Little Bud seemed to get along, so we took her home. We named her Pika (like Pikachu) and she has been one of the sweetest most wonderful dogs we ever had. As much as I love her to pieces our family still felt empty.
A few months later my mom told us about a guy at her work that's dog had puppies, and was giving them away for free. So we went over there to look at puppies. We looked at a couple different ones and were thinking about taking home this little black and white one, when I started looking at the two long haired ones. One was black, but it was a boy, and we wanted to get another girl, so I picked up the dark brown one and handed her to Mikey. We both fell in love with the little stinker and took her home. We named her Pixel and she has been a wonderful little pain :) After always having dogs, its has been fun to watch this little puppy grow up.
So after I got Alice I did not feel all that connected to the rest of my dolls. So I sold all of them but her. I actually traded Anarchy for another doll I named Jack. I also changed Alice's name, because it never really seemed to totally fit her. I've renamed her Embry Alice Poe (a play on Edgar Allan Poe's name) I am also getting a little dragon doll tomorrow. I am SO EXCITED!!!! He is so cute. I am thinking of calling him Seneca, but the closer I get to owning him, the more I'm wondering.
So my sister had a beautiful little baby on my wedding anniversary. I am the proudest auntie to the most beautiful, amazing, and freaky smart kid that there ever was :D It has been so funny to watch her grow up and figure things out. I love her to little bitty bits and pieces.
Yep.... So that's the nub and just of what has been going on with me in this last year. I'll be uploading pics tomorrow, since it is late tonight. So....yeah..... Toodles
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