I have decided I want to be an artist for a living

After much (25 years worth) thought, I may have decided what I want to do with my life. I want to draw.

Its sorta funny to me that I want to do something like this. I literally never thought I would want to do something like this. Or that I could. I didn't realize I had any drawing ability until I was about out of high school. I just started drawing little doodles and being half decent a them. But still never really considered it.

In high school I wanted to be a writer. I was never really that good at writing, but I think it was just high school. Obviously I still like to write. I keep up on this blog fairly often, but I think when it all comes down to it this is all I would ever want to do with writing. Have some journal that a few people might read.

In junior high I wanted to be a Broadway star. REALLY LAME!! I know. But I just discovered musicals. Like Cats, Phantom of the Opera, Newsies, Rent..... All that. Plus I also had learned that I could sing. Well. Not just belt out a few notes, I do have a very good singing voice.

But once again, it seems that all of that was just a passing fancy. I love to sing. Absolutely love it, but I don't think I could do it professionally. Well, I could, but I wouldn't enjoy it. I like to sing just to sing. I think if I had to constantly put thought into it, it would loose its flavor.

Even funnier still, in elementary I wanted to be a paleontologist. Yeah. I love dinosaurs. Little known fact about me. I love them!! They are so wicked cool. I love going to the Dino Park, I like reading all the little facts about the dinos, I have a bunch of really nice dino books my mommy got me when I was little still. Dinosaurs are wicked cool.

But I digress. Alot. I want to draw. I love it. I think about stuff I can draw, I think about how to draw things different or better, its like all I can think about. As many passing fancies as I've had when thinking about something to do with a career, I worry a little that this may also be a passing fancy.

Then again, I feel really excited about the possibility of doing this for a career. None of my other passing fancies have ever got me this excited. Like even thinking about a future with it all just feels right. I feel like its something I can do. I have a future with it. It may not be a good money future, and I'll probably always have to have at least a part time job, but that just sounds so right. Still have a job that gets me out of the house, but also have time to draw. It all just sounds so wonderful.

Yeah. But onto other stuff. I had another doctors appointment today. I am still showing signs of having cell break down, but not on a high level or anywhere close to me getting anemic. So that's good.

I am down to 50 mg of Prednisone, which is good. My doctor wants to get more aggressive about lowering my dose. Prednisone can do terrible things to your body, so I don't want to be on a high dose for a long time. We are going to do a cell count in a week to see what's going on with that, and if things are still looking good we may be dropping it again in a week. So yay there.

I also learned that the cold is a HUGE factor in all of this so I HAVE to stay warm. Or I could end up needing more transfusions. That sucks though, cause I freaking LOVE the cold weather. I feel like I'm the biggest jerk to myself. I've been so excited for the cold weather to get here, it finally does, and I can't even enjoy it. Super lame.

Yep. I have a few ideas for a cheap Halloween costume that I hope I can pull off by this weekend. Missing all the work I did really limited my Halloween costume money, which sucks, since I had the best idea and greatest costume that I can now not do :( Oh well. There is always next year.

Yep. I think that is all. So toodles :)

Post 101

I didn't realize that my last blog was #100. Kinda cool.

Anyway. I took new pictures. Of my dolls. Here they are.

Oliver!

He's always so pensive looking...

Fiona

I really like the long wig on her. I'm glad I was able to fix it finally.

I really like this outfit as well. I think it suits her

Anarchy :)

Always giving me so much 'ttude :P

Milo had some crazy freaking bed head or something.

It looks kinda cute on him though

Adrian lookin' so grumpy

I really don't think he looks that grumpy, I just know Mikey thinks he does

I really like the way his wig was sitting in these shots

And of course Alice :)

In the new outfit I made for her.

Laying in the sun like a cat

Oliver and Fiona. The way the sun hit Fi, it looks like she is crying :(

Sad no more!!!

Milo and Anarchy

It looks like they are telling secrets I think.

And pictured together for the first time is Adrian and Alice!! I was excited to take pics of them together. Sadly I didn't have alot of time to do it.

I liked the way this pic looked. Even though their eyes look kinda creepy.

Yep. So that's all 6. Wow. 6 of them now. Yeesh. Yeah. That's all I really wanted to post about. I have an appointment in the morning to get more blood drawn, and then I will probably find out Monday (when my next doctors app. is) what the results are. So I will keep you all updated.

So yeah. Toodles :)

So far so good

Got my test results back from Thursday, and everything is so far so good. Just gotta keep all the good stuff going to Friday, when I have more blood to get drawn, and then on Monday I have an appointment with the Hematologist (blood doctor) again. I still need to find a regular phsician. Me = slacker.

Anyway. There's not to much else going on. I still haven't had a chance to make normal clothes for my poor Alice doll. She is so neglected. I have a good idea though of how I want her to look. So that's a step in the right direction I suppose.

I wanna take some pics of my dollies. I feel like I'm neglecting all of them. They are suffering :P

Ok, I'm not quite that crazy. Not quite. Almost though.

Work is going well. I don't know if I've mentioned it to much. I have a job. It is with telemarketing, and (other than learning about mankinds complete lack of phone curtesy) I really like it. It may not be my dream job, but its easy, its a job, and I feel like I am fairly compesated for the amount of work that I do. Which, what more can you ask for? Especially with the downward economy.

We have also moved. I don't know if I've mentioned that. Hospital stays and scary diagnoses tend to overshadow these things sometimes. We are living in Ogden, which is really nice being close to my family when I really need them.

Though I must be honest, I do miss living with my inlaws as well. I really got lucky when it comes to my husbands family. I hear all the time about people not liking there inlaws or fighting with them... Mine are great. In fact Mikey's whole family is really great, and I'm lucky to have them in my life as well as my great husband.

But I digress. We moved, and its really coming together. The place isn't totally put together yet, but between working, school and hospital stays, I'd say we aren't doing to bad on getting it all together. As long as it gets done... right? :)

Yep. Well I think that is all for now. I'll keep the world updated as I learn things. Much love folks. Toodles

I really didn't mention this before....

What with all the hospital stuff I was kinda distracted, but I got a new doll. The one doll I've always wanted, but never thought I'd be able to get.

If you've been reading this blog from the beginning, you will remember the old backroud I had that had the dolls in it. That is the doll I have. Of course there are going to be pics!! What kind of doll loving crazy person would I be if I didn't have pics of her?! Actually until like 2 days ago I was a very ill doll loving crazy person who hasn't been able to take pics.

But here they are!!!

And of course she has a look just perfect for Retro Camara, so I took pics with that:

Yep. Well that's all for now. Yay :) and toodles

If I had gone to work, I probably wouldn't have come home

Is just one of the kinda scary things I heard over the course of this week. For those that don't know I went into the hospital on Wednesday and got out Sunday night. It sucked majorly. But maybe I should start from the beginning.

When I was 3 I got sick. Now, when it comes to the vast majority of this I don't really remember much. Being really young and all, so I'll just tell what I remember.

I remember needles, uncomfortable clothes, asking the nurses when they slept and them telling me it was during my "coloring time", mostly just little things like that. I really don't know to much about most of that time. I remember hearing alot about how my spleen was enlarged, and stuff about that, but you know, I was young so I didn't really listen.

When I was in high school everything took an extreme fast route to bad. So we started going to a doctor and finally after 15 years of not knowing, they told me I have blood disorders. Good news though, take out the spleen, and its fixed! So that's what we did.

Now, I can tell you that for 7 years I have been healthy. Well, not perfectly, but alot healthier than I've ever been. But all that has recently changed.

About 2 weeks ago I started turning yellow. Just assuming (well maybe hoping) that it was stress related (I had just started a new job, me and Mikey had just moved into a new place in Ogden...) I... Well I basically ignored it until I was neon yellow almost.

That's when I went over to my mom's. Wednesday I got up and felt terrible. I went to my mom's to make dinner for work that day since our stove wasn't working. (By the way, this whole experience really makes me believe that everything happens for a reason) I got thirsty while making my ham fried rice (yum) and got a glass of lemonade. Since my mommy works nights she was pretty much asleep while I was making food.

I had brought my laptop so I could talk with a girl I bought a new doll from, and track her progress in shipping. I picked up my lemonade, went to take a drink and suddenly it was all over my computer. I don't even know how it happened. It was just everywhere. In my head I thought "I have to get this dry, Mikey will be so mad if I ruin this laptop."

Well my brain wasn't processing to fast, so my only idea was to take my laptop, turn it sideways and shake it out. Well that woke up my mom, as I just dumped lemonade all over the two of us. While she was still waking up and trying to figure out what had happened I thought get something to dry it! So I went into the kitchen and stood there for I have no idea, trying to remember what I could use to dry my computer. Eventually, I thought to myself "Napkins. Napkins can dry stuff."

So I grabbed a fist full of napkins and proceeded to "pat" dry my keyboard. That's when my mom says, "Get a wet towel." I stood up not sure what she said. "A wet towel. In the cupboard by the sink." So I guess I got a wet towel, cause the next thing I remember I had a wet towel and was once again "pat" drying my keyboard.

I was finally satisfied, and sat down, my heart was pounding, and my head ached really really bad, so I just sat back trying to breath and not pass out. I remember my mom asking me lots of questions. I really don't remember much. I know I gave her my insurance and she made phone calls. I remember she called my work, and we got in the car and drove to the emergency room.

I remember the strange looks I got, and answering the ladies questions. I remember getting the things on my wrists to identify me, having to put those stupid stupid gowns on, getting a blanket because it was FREEZING in there, and them coming in with needles and and IV. That's when we knew I wasn't going home that night.

They drew blood, and put in my iv. Then my mom went out to call my husband Mikey, and my sister to tell them to come up. In those 2 seconds she was gone the doctor came back in. He told me that my blood count was so low that my heart could've stopped at any second. He said that I was going to have to have a transfusion and that I wasn't going to be going home (which I'd already kinda figured but it still wasn't pleasant to hear)

Now one thing to note is that I am TERRIFIED of needles, and I had already been really upset by the whole getting the iv in in the first place. Now from what I'd understood a transfusion was them putting in new blood while taking out old blood. So I would have to get another iv in. Well if you were ever wondering, it is not like that. They just hook the blood up to the iv and let it drip in just like anything else. Not quite as painful and terrifying as I thought.

So my poor mom comes back in after I had received this news and I am just in tears (at this point still thinking that transfusions where alot scarier than they are) and I could barely get out what was going on. So she went and found a nurse, found out what was going on, and also found out that transfusions aren't that scary.

Well I still don't remember much. I know that Mikey got there at the same time as Karissa and Amanda (adopted sister) and that I had to ride in a wheel chair eventually to get to my room. They hooked me up to stuff. Sherri (aunt) and Neisha (cousin) were there at one point. Shandra (another cousin) and Liz (adopted cousin) where there at one point. I think other people might have come.... But really I don't remember much of that day.

After that I ended up having to get another transfusion and stayed more and more nights while they had to check if my blood count was stabilizing and all that fun stuff.

So you are probably wondering what is wrong with me. Medically speaking. Well the big one is Hereditary Spherocytosis. Now what that means is that I make balloon shaped blood cells. This makes the membrane around them weak and able to break easily. That's not the whole nub and just though.

I also have Cold Anglutinin Auto Immune Hemolytic Anemia. I know what you are thinking. Same thing I was. Huh?

Ok. This is actually easy to explain going backwards. Hemolytic Anemia, lack of blood cells. Auto Immune, my immune system is attacking my blood cells and offing them. Cold Aglutinin, when my body temperature is gets low, it activates.

So the nub and just. When my body temp drops my immune system sees my blood cells as a threat and they attach antibodies to them that make them burst. Add this to the Hereditary Spherocytosis and we have the big problem with the hospital stays.

Well to get rid of this you remove the spleen... which I did 7 years ago.... So now what? Prednisone. That is a steroid that suppresses the immune system. This means that on top of having a weak immune system from a lack of spleen I have to suppress my immune system in order to live. Which means I have to sanitize everything and keep hand sanitizer on me.

So that's the whole thing. So far. I have to get blood drawn pretty much every week until they can tell for sure I'm stable. Also to make sure I stay stable while getting me onto a lower dose of prednisone. I have to get on a lower dose because not only does it suppress your immune system, it takes away from your calcium and does other not nice things to your body.

Yep. So that's the nub and just so far. So toodles.